I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
...so i touched it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
