Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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