There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
