kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize