KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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