It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
