Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I need to stop coming to work sober
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
