College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
