i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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