The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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