Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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