You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
