ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
