haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
