Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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