im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
