I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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