Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
