i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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