i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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