PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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