No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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