Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize