Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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