And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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