walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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