the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
