I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
