I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
