"it" just moved
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
