I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
