official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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