So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We are two peas in an std pod
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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