I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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