Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
