hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
