Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
