i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
