yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
