you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
