If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
