i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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