at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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