Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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