of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
