The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
