I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
