I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
