What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
