when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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