Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
