My brain says no but my pants say off.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
