bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
