Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
