I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
