I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
