honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
