Moan for me like Helen Keller
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize