So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
