Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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