I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize