oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
