Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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