Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
