so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
