I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
