You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
