we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
