and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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